Snore Monster

Last night the snore monster was in my bed which means I'm exhausted today. Some nights, the snore monster is particularly loud and annoying, making it nearly impossible to fall asleep. Because of him, I was unable to fall asleep until after 2am. This is bad because my youngest child wakes up around 6am wanting to nurse. After nursing, I'm lucky I can remain horizontal (yet awake) until 7am. My body is one of those bodies that needs at least 8 to 9 hours of good sleep to feel decent the next day.

The snore monster is my husband. He snores very loudly some nights. Having him turn over doesn't work as it does with some people. He snores in every sleep position. Laying there listening to him it is easy to understand why he is often tired, why he feels like he can't sleep and, thus wakes up very early in the morning, and why he needs to go to bed early. He comes out of restful sleep and stirs 5-6 or more times an hour. How he stirs differs. Sometimes, he snorts/chokes and then smacks his lips several times before resuming his snoring. Sometimes he turns this way or that. Sometimes, he scratches an itch before adjusting position. All times, he turns the chainsaw back on within a few short seconds. I wish I had the ability to fall asleep within a few seconds like he does. If I did, I'd use those few seconds of restless quiet to fall asleep.

So what's a wife to do? Several years ago I did do something but it was all a waste of effort. Back then, I used to get so angry at my husband for snoring. It felt like he did it on purpose. Like he could just stop if he wanted. I felt like piling pillows over his face so he'd just....be...quiet. I tried earplugs but they felt weird and didn't block the noise out anyway. Finally, I started getting angry and vocal directly with him about it. And, finally, he went to the doctor. And I went,too, to be sure that the doctor got the whole story.

So my husband had a sleep study. The results? He did have some sleep apnea but not bad enough to treat. He did have some restless leg issues but, again, not bad enough to treat. The recommendation was don't gain weight (my husband is not a large guy) and don't sleep on his back. Hello! Don't you remember, didn't you write down, that he snores on his stomach, right side, left side, and while sleeping elevated too?! What's this nonsense about not sleeping on his back? Didn't you listen to the stories of how my husband gets strep throat easily or that his uvula swells to much that it actually touches his tongue? Aren't you the least bit concerned about that? Isn't it related? Perhaps his soft palate is extra large and gets dangerously swollen. Please do something before this wife loses her mind!!!

Well, nothing happened other than we nearly divorced not long after that. We managed to stay together but I'm still stuck with the snore monster. I would have gone downstairs to sleep on the couch but that usually results in a trip to the chiropractor for me because my neck and the couch are mortal enemies and because I have a nursing infant who may need to nurse in the night. I thought about waking my husband and telling asking my husband to sleep on the couch (which he would willingly do) but he has a hurt shoulder so I wanted him to get some decent sleep. Sometimes I wish we had the space to just have separate rooms even though it goes against all my traditional ideas of husband and wife sleeping together.