One Thing That Still Haunts Me

Over the years, I've done a lot of healing. I still have a long way to go in many areas but for the most part I do well and don't dwell on my past. When I do think about it, there are a few things that still haunt me and I was working on one of them this past week...the whereabouts of my molester.

My dilema stems from the fact that I never told anyone what was going on until six years after the last time I saw him and four years after I moved out of the area. When I finally did tell, it was because of a breakdown of sorts during my senior year of high school. I just simply fell apart and ended up telling my science teacher (who was very much aware that there were problems in my home life) all about, well, everything. I told him about how I had been molested. I told him about my father's alcoholism and my parents' drug use. I told him about how my home life, at that point, was a war zone.

In hearing all of this, he took me to my school counselor where I had to recount it all to her. She, in turn, called my mom and the school's police liason officer. While there's more to this story, I'll focus on just part of it for now. The police officer took a report of the molestation, including his name, aliases, prior address, and other victims that I knew about. That was the last I heard of it. If they investigated, they didn't report back to me. If they prosecuted, they didn't get back to me. I have no idea if anything was done, and what, if anything, came of it.

And I am left to this day wondering if he's still out there and still abusing other young girls. I know, for a fact, that I wasn't his only victim because he forced me to bring two younger neighbors to him to abuse and to, on occasion, photograph him on top of them. Because I know I'm not his only victim, I feel positive that he continued to abuse others after me and may still be out there. It weighs on me. I feel responsible, in a way, because I didn't say anything. I wish there was something I could do now.

So, this week, I did try to do something but I didn't get very far. In the past, I searched California's Megan's Law website to see if he was there. I searched for men by his "real" name, or at least the name his mother and brothers called him. There were several. One of them, looks like him. Of course, this is going on my memory that is twenty years old and a photograph of a man older and somewhat heavier than the man I knew. The birthdate doesn't match what he gave as his birthday, but he could have easily lied about that. The age doesn't fit what I believe, from my limited memory, it should be but, again, he could have lied about that as well. All I know is that he looks somewhat like the man, shares his name, has a last known address in a neighboring county from where my abuse took place, was convicted of phedophilia with children under 14 years of age, and that he is in violation of his registration requirements. If only I could get details of his case...

So, I submitted an inquiry via the website and actually received a call back within a few days. The woman who called was friendly but not much help. She suggested looking through the online criminal records for the county I lived in. Other nearby counties don't have online records but I could contact them to see what could be done (I live two states away now). She also gave me the phone number for Megan's Law and suggested I call and ask them for ideas. I went through the public records but didn't find anything useful. I called the number she gave me but didn't get very far with their automated line. When I have the time and energy, I'll have to try it again. Hopefully, it will yield something.